batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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