she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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