some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
