You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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