I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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