Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
