you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
