you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I understand Curling. That high.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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