I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life