Last Night in California (831)

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• (831): View more from California

  He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.

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• (831): View more from California

  Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.

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• (831): View more from California

  Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?

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• (831): View more from California

  Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.

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• (831): View more from California

  if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.

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• (831): View more from California

  WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?

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• (831): View more from California

  It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.

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• (831): View more from California

  dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party

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• (831): View more from California

  Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?

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• (831): View more from California

  You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?

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• (831): View more from California

  I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.

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• (831): View more from California

  I wear drunk well.

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• (831): View more from California

  Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.

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• (831): View more from California

  well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went

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