Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.