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you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
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