Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.