I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed