I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here