Last Night in Illinois (847)

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.

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  My kitchen gets me.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.

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