Last Night in Illinois (815)

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.

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  I wanna become a plank.

  (815): View more from Illinois

  God I love xanex.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.

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