I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I need to align my fucking chakras
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?