Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
I was spiderman.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.