It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie