Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
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dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
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with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life