I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.