if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless