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Last Night in Illinois (630)

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(630): View more from Illinois

8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.

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(630): 8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs. http://tfl.nu/mvq2

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The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.

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(630): The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time. http://tfl.nu/80xt

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You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.

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I don't even want to know

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(630): You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican. (1-630): I don't even want to know http://tfl.nu/s13d

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That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.

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(630): That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims. http://tfl.nu/e1gu

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just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.

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(630): just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now. http://tfl.nu/m10w

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I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...

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(630): I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today... http://tfl.nu/hrqr

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They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.

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(630): They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today. http://tfl.nu/t7wc

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I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk

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(630): I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk http://tfl.nu/t8bq

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I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.

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(630): I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof. http://tfl.nu/he9o

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haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??

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savin' lives aint cheap

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(973): haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance?? (630): savin' lives aint cheap http://tfl.nu/eb5j

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I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best

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(630): I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best http://tfl.nu/gccv

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We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.

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(630): We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade. http://tfl.nu/0t6i

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I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.

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(630): I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks. http://tfl.nu/bpzl

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batman just walked across the sidewalk

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lay off the drugs

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no for real he was wearing a cape

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(630): batman just walked across the sidewalk (1-630): lay off the drugs (630): no for real he was wearing a cape http://tfl.nu/eo01

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I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.

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(630): I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something. http://tfl.nu/fnx9

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Last Night in Illinois (630)

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