Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
