If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.