Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.