No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad