Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New York (516)

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  (516): View more from New York

  Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?

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  (516): Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep? http://tfl.nu/76br
  Replies (7) Good night (794) Bad night (191) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.

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  (516): No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it. http://tfl.nu/ephi
  Replies (4) Good night (779) Bad night (210)
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  (516): View more from New York

  He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak

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  (516): He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak http://tfl.nu/keew
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  (516): View more from New York

  She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.

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  (516): She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her. http://tfl.nu/vneo
  Replies (3) Good night (752) Bad night (2871) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either

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  (516): i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either http://tfl.nu/wksp
  Replies (4) Good night (747) Bad night (2492) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.

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  (516): Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night. http://tfl.nu/4blv
  Replies (6) Good night (744) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line

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  (516): I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line http://tfl.nu/kwv6
  Replies (10) Good night (742) Bad night (2957) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...

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  (516): I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"... http://tfl.nu/s1bt
  Replies (13) Good night (730) Bad night (4029) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers

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  (516): You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers http://tfl.nu/mh21
  Replies (8) Good night (723) Bad night (3736) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.

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  (516): If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals. http://tfl.nu/q4jm
  Replies (9) Good night (720) Bad night (1261) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  I hate all girls vehemently.

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  (516): I hate all girls vehemently. http://tfl.nu/rhf8
  Replies (2) Good night (714) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  How was the picnic?

  (516): View more from New York

  We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Why didn't you put them down?

  (516): View more from New York

  No beer left behind.

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  (413): How was the picnic? (516): We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer. (413): Why didn't you put them down? (516): No beer left behind. http://tfl.nu/j969
  Replies (1) Good night (714) Bad night (146)
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  (516): View more from New York

  yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...

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  (516): yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye... http://tfl.nu/3it0
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  (516): View more from New York

  you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane

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  (516): you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane http://tfl.nu/flz9
  Replies (4) Good night (707) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes

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  (516): i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes http://tfl.nu/j5p1
  Replies (24) Good night (697) Bad night (5561) Order T-Shirt