This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!