Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!