She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter