If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer