My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
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dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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