does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"