Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Pennsylvania (570)

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  You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.

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  (570): You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter. http://tfl.nu/i6dh
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  I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.

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  tell her thanks so much

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  (570): I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences. (484): tell her thanks so much http://tfl.nu/mozf
  Replies (5) Good night (1766) Bad night (352)
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  On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.

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  (570): On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me. http://tfl.nu/8dr9
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  I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again

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  (570): I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again http://tfl.nu/qatr
  Replies (7) Good night (1673) Bad night (350)
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  God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.

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  (570): God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today. http://tfl.nu/74x0
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  Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.

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  (570): Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied. http://tfl.nu/2f2b
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  Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.

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  (570): Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas. http://tfl.nu/sn85
  Replies (5) Good night (1838) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
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  Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.

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  (570): Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone. http://tfl.nu/7xsv
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  Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.

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  (570): Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least. http://tfl.nu/etpi
  Replies (2) Good night (1566) Bad night (337)
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  I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.

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  (570): I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know. http://tfl.nu/puq8
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  She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over

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  (570): She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over http://tfl.nu/astk
  Replies (8) Good night (1968) Bad night (335) Order T-Shirt
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  That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.

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  (570): That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga. http://tfl.nu/2c2v
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  They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.

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  (570): They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them. http://tfl.nu/mod4
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  Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?

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  (570): Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie? http://tfl.nu/rubz
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  Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them

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  (570): Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them http://tfl.nu/2e8h
  Replies (4) Good night (769) Bad night (313) Order T-Shirt