I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.