Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...