i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...