EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.