Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"