We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
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I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??