Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.