even my farts smell like vagina
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.