Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Idaho (208)

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  Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"

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  (208): Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores" http://tfl.nu/e2re
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  Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.

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  (208): Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad. http://tfl.nu/m330
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  I don't wanna be gay for a night.

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  I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.

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  (208): I don't wanna be gay for a night. (850): I think it would be worth it for free alcohol. http://tfl.nu/uvi0
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  Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.

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  (208): Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options. http://tfl.nu/ep0w
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  Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver

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  (208): Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver http://tfl.nu/xi4h
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  Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly

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  What is a GED?

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  (208): Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly (1-208): What is a GED? http://tfl.nu/qgi3
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  you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack

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  (208): you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack http://tfl.nu/46lg
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  She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.

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  (208): She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible. http://tfl.nu/a9zl
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  I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy

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  (208): I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy http://tfl.nu/tuq9
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  Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.

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  (208): Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/nw7i
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  Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.

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  (208): Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes. http://tfl.nu/oxm0
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  Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?

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  (208): Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain? http://tfl.nu/hz7f
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  I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.

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  (208): I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw. http://tfl.nu/7hkg
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  He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.

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  (208): He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like. http://tfl.nu/bbeg
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  Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging

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  (208): Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging http://tfl.nu/urdf
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