Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night