would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?