My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."