I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
we're so committed to being not committed
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
