dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
