why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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