i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
