Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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