I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
