I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Houston, we have a squirter
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
