shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
