so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
