I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
