U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
